Thought Leadership

Difficult roads that lead to amazing destinations
May 2, 2016
Milfred Mwangi
August 3, 2017

Five causes of insecurities and how to overcome them

“Sometimes our thoughts are backed by so much insecurity, that they create lies we believe in.”

A wise man sat in the audience and cracked a joke. Everybody laughed like crazy. After a moment, he cracked the same joke again. This time less people laughed.

He cracked the same joke again and again. When there was no more laughter in the room, he smiled and said “You can’t laugh at the same joke again and again, but why do you keep crying over the same thing again and again?”

Everyone deals with insecurity in life at some point of time. As young kids at school, we were constantly comparing our pencil boxes with that of our friends’, young men and women are constantly busy posting their pictures on social media, be it about where they have been for their holiday or where they have had their meal.

In fact most of them are so busy posting pictures of where they want to be seen rather than enjoying where they are.

Even worse, business people are insecure about customers, competitors and the market in general.

They are constantly worried thinking about whether or not they are looking good enough, whether or not they are liked.

It is not uncommon that people post pictures on Facebook and constantly go back to the page to check how many likes they have or how many comments their post got.

It is almost like we are looking for approval from others on how we are doing in our lives, how we are perceived by others and even how we fair in terms of expectations people have from us.

Insecurities by their own selves are not bad, in fact when in limited proportions, they help you navigate in the right direction, by pushing you to think what can go wrong and if dealt with carefully, can help you make the right decisions.

The problem arises when you start looking at your life through the mirror of others.

Lack of self confidence

Insecurities as I just said, can stem from a variety of reasons, some which are under your control and some which you assume are not under your control. Some insecurities include:

Lack of self confidence:

The need for approval from others stems from the fact that we don’t consider ourselves worthy enough, partly because we are always looking at ourselves through the others’ lens.

Lack of trust and faith:

Many of us constantly fear that people out there are always looking for an opportunity to cheat them or abuse their trust and faith. This could be partly either because of a past experience or the fear within.

Lack of ability to accept:

Insecurity is almost a defence mechanism to many when they are not willing to accept – accept either the situation, the people or even the self. It is simply a mechanism to shift the responsibility.

Fear from past experiences:

This is the most common reason for people developing feelings of insecurity. The way one has been treated in the past, the way they were subject to denial, betrayal or abuse causes deep sense of insecurity.

Fear of failure:

Success is something that all of us hold dearly. We have goals, ambitions and dreams. When the desire for success gets bigger, the fear of failure also grows, leading to insecurities.

Many people fail in life, because they take their own insecurities and try to twist them into others and thereby killing everything that is beautiful – life, relationships, confidence, self-esteem and much more.

Stop comparison:

When you start living life by comparing yourself with others, you are bound to feel insecure, because your life, your situations, your goals can’t be the same as others.

So stop comparing yourself. Be happy in your own space and zone. This does not mean you should stop improving, just stop comparing yourself so much with others that you make a mess of your life.

Start compensating:

Stop punishing yourself for the mistakes you have made in the past, instead reward or compensate yourself for the learning you picked out of it.

Don’t wait until you have reached the goal to pat yourself, be proud of every step you take towards reaching your goal.

Deal with competition:

Don’t be in constant competition with others. You are not a sum of what your competitors do. You fare better in life when you compete with yourself to do better than what you were yesterday.

The game of being better than others is never ending and can result in disappointments.

Be consistent:

If you are persistent you will get it, if you are consistent you will keep it. Be consistent. It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, it’s what we do consistently. So shed your insecurities consistently and take a fresh look at life.

Avoid condemnation:

Any fool can criticise, condemn and complain but it takes a lot more strength and self-control to be understanding yourself and others.

Sri is the founder and chief mentor of Kuza Biashara Limited

Source : http://www.businessdailyafrica.com/corporate/Five-causes-of-insecurities-and-how-to-overcome-them/539550-3205996-1d19vs/index.html