Set Clear boundaries to define, balance your life

Set Clear boundaries to define, balance your life

At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don’t keep other people out, they fence you in. You can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross. If you are willing to throw caution to the wind and take a chance, the view from the other side is spectacular.

Life is all about balance, be it in relationships or even at work. Too much or too little can kill. The best way to balance life is setting your boundaries and learning to say enough. So what really is a boundary?

A boundary is a definite place where your responsibility ends and another person’s begins. It stops you from doing things for others that they should do for themselves. It prevents you from rescuing someone from the consequences of their action or behaviour that they need to experience in order to grow.

In certain other situations, boundaries may not be all about others, it may be limits that you set for yourselves, the ones we often create for ourselves in our minds. But wait… haven’t we always been told to push ourselves beyond boundaries to experience our true potential? Yes, we definitely have been told so. Personal boundaries, at times are imaginary or the constraints you set for yourself, and they separate you from what you intended to achieve.

The boundaries that this article covers are those that you create between yourself and others.

Life without boundaries is chaos. It is important for you to create boundaries, set them in place to let the world know how you expect and deserve to be treated.

This will send out a clear message as to what behaviour or action is acceptable to you. Their boundaries are their concern. You have to set the parameters in your life of how you want to live.

So how do you go about setting boundaries? How do you make sure they do not cause cracks in relations and how do you manage such ties with these boundaries.

Personal boundaries: Setting personal boundaries is a way of caring for yourself. It does not make you mean, selfish or uncaring just because you don’t do things the way others expect you to. It is all about caring for yourself too. It is about “How I’m willing to treat others and how I’m willing to be treated by others.”

If you feel comfortable saying something about yourself and you say it, and someone doesn’t like it, that’s their problem. Don’t let who you are be up for debate. Do not justify, apologise for or rationalise the healthy boundary you are setting.

Do not argue, just set the boundary calmly, firmly, clearly and respectfully. More importantly make sure you stick to it.

Principle boundaries: When you feel yourself becoming angry, resentful or exhausted, pay attention to where you haven’t set a healthy boundary. In fact you end up creating more damage to yourself and your relation by not creating boundaries. Principle boundaries are created when you are sure of what you are wiling to do ethically.

If someone does not respect your desire for space, it is time for you to give them more space, not more time. People who violate or cross your boundaries by being cruel, insensitive, thoughtless, abusive, rude or disrespectful should not be part of your life.

You deserve to give and receive love, dignity and respect.

Philosophical boundaries: When you start to set boundaries in a relation, a really hard thing happens.

They get upset or hurt or just cannot come to terms with the loss or the cracks the boundaries can cause. It may not just be them who are upset or hurt, you may find it difficult to deal with.

But it is important for you not to fall into the trap and be clear of how you are willing to invest your time, effort and energy to make sure that not only do you grow, but also allow others to grow.

Sometimes you may realise you are enabling others to be irresponsible or stagnate because you fill in for their shortcomings. By setting the boundary, you may be able to nudge them towards being responsible.

Positional boundaries: Be clear of one thing. No one can ever make you feel inferior without your consent. If someone is able to do that, it is because you have given them the space to operate in that zone.

By setting your positional boundary, you define how you are willing to be treated based on the position you hold. Start attracting positive people into your life by setting positive and healthy boundaries.

“Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom. Taking responsibility for my life opens up many different options.

Boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out. Setting boundaries inevitably involves taking responsibilityfor your choices. You are the one who makes them.

You are the one who must live with their consequences. And you are the one who may be keeping yourself from making choices you could be happy with.

“We must own our own thoughts and clarify distorted thinking” as said by Henry Cloud.

Sri Bharatam is the Founder and Chief Mentor of Kuza Biashara Limited, a capacity building organization coaching youth and SME owners across Africa.

@Sbharatam or

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